Episode 4. Identity, Authenticity, and Integrity
This week’s themes are identity, authenticity, and integrity. These are themes I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. I’ve spent the past 4 years building an environment that was very comfortable for me and my kids, but I made a choice that required me to leave behind almost every aspect of my life. It was disorienting in a way that has made me look at my behaviors and thought patterns and assess whether they are moving me closer to or farther from my core values and goals. I have had to reconsider my identity, and how some of my choices to abandon my authenticity have caused me to move through the world with less integrity.
1) What are identity, authenticity, and integrity?
Identity: The fact of being who or what a person or thing is – This one is sometimes hard because we’re not always in touch with all of the parts of our identity, it changes throughout our lives, and it’s not always acceptable (socially). >> Bring your whole self to work: ideologically, it means you are all of you everywhere you go. Practically, that doesn’t mean you have to share the details of your personal life with every coworker you encounter. But it does mean that your perspective on work from your identity is deeply valuable to the company.
Authenticity: Of undisputed origin; not a copy – when you share an authentic message, people will know it comes from you, because you’re the only person it could have come from. This can be of an individual or a community.
Integrity: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; the state of being whole and undivided – Law of Attraction uses the analogy of radio frequency (like on an old dial radio) to talk about how this works. When your frequency is undivided, the signal you receive is clear (like when you tune your radio dial exactly. When your signal is not clear, you receive garbled messages (like between stations). Integrity is making your signal clear.
Reminds me of the book I started (and didn’t finish), The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck. It’s a manual and workbook for finding lost identity and behaving with integrity in the world by being honest to your identity in all expressions of yourself. I’ve picked it up and put it down so many times. Partly because each step requires work. Partly because some parts make me uncomfortable. I bought this book in hard copy. I don’t immediately have it with me, but I intend to buy it again in digital form because I still have work to do here.
2) Losing Sleep Over Scrum (The Agile Audit Podcast)
This story resonated so much with me. It’s a story of a scrum master who was thrown into her first role, sold as an expert, and how destabilized she felt about her own ability. It reminded me that there is a delicate balance between imposter syndrome and the confidence of others. Being truthful with yourself that there’s something in that gap that’s worth exploring is essential, and finding a good guide when you’re going on a new journey is indispensable. Don’t believe anyone who says you have to do anything for the first time on your own. Anything you think you’re the first at, if you look at it a different way, there is someone who can help guide you.
3) Our Uniqueness is What Makes Us Wonderful & Everything Comes to You from Within Your Own Inner Feeling About Yourself (The Quote of the Day with Sean Croxton)
Louise Hay: Disconnecting with shame and acceptability and reconnecting with our own unique expression of the divineness of life. She mentions mirror work, or affirmations you do in the mirror, to reestablish self love - there is no competition and no comparison
Reverend Ike: “I am worthy and deserving of the best.” – You can’t have anything you don’t believe you deserve. If you believe you are worthy of $1M, that $1M cannot help but come to you.” I learned a long time ago that the place I see it very clearly is in relationships. My romantic relationships have always reflected back to me in pure mirror image and in real time which parts of myself I’m loving, accepting, acknowledging, and connecting with, and which parts I’m trying to ignore, distance, or disconnect from. It’s the one place that I notice acutely because my feelings, whether good or bad, are magnified when they're mirrored back. Now that I’m a mom, I’ve noticed that my children speak to me from my inner voice too, and let me tell you, that can be deeply painful at times. I’m learning to reprogram my inner voice so that what’s reflected back to me is love.
4) Coaching from Spirit (1 Insight with Rich Litvin)
Your people will resonate with your voice when you’re speaking from authenticity and integrity. You don’t have to be the same as them, and your being different is what will resonate with them.
5a) Hispanic Lives #4 (Risk!) & Border Trilogy Part 1: Hole in the Fence (Radiolab)
(Individual storytelling) Three stories about Hispanic American identity: who gets to identify and how
(Report-style storytelling) An intensely personal perspective on the border of Mexico and the US and some of the people who cross it
5b) Detroit Through A Chinese Restaurant Window (The Sporkful)
(Interview-style storytelling) A Chinese American writer tells the story of his parents immigrating to Detroit in the 70s and the experience of being gay and Chinese in their community.
6) A Hospital Divided (Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel)
2 doctors run a hospital in a small town and are still struggling through the broken trust and division that happened during the pandemic. This counseling session gets into how each doctor’s sense of identity and integrity causes them to react to the environment in seemingly opposite ways
7) The #1 Way We Sabotage Our Lives & How to Stop Now (The Marie Forleo Podcast)
Why and how to tap into your internal guidance. Everyone has that inner voice. If you can’t hear it, get quiet (go for a walk, meditate). If you hear it and it keeps nagging you about the same thing, you’re missing the message of your purpose.
I’ve had a business nagging me for nearly a decade about an education complex that provides all of the resources and spaces for parents and their children to grow into emotionally healthy, connected individuals. I started collecting systems that I’ve been sharing with family and friends here and there, but that I’ll begin sharing more widely because I think it’s important. The systems are based on science, my experience and the experiences of the friends and family I’ve shared them with so far, and core value of highlighting our individual gifts within healthy community. Join the newsletter to be the first to know when those come out!
How has your identity colored your experience of the world and how do you reconnect with your identity and authenticity?
